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Finally, another post! Exam season is officially over, now that we are completely done with getting them back also. I'm glad to be writing again after almost 2 months! (Check out my post about my trip to Vietnam!) My family and I took a short, sweet weekend getaway to Port Dickson last weekend, and I finished reading a very incredible book—The Subtle Art of Not
Giving a F*ck. Read on to know how this book gave me the opportunity to reflect deeply about myself and why exactly you should give a f*ck and read this book!
#1 The Backwards Law
This is a very profound idea, I must say. For those of you who have judged this book by its cover and might think that Mark Manson wouldn't be too convincing as a person with actual wise ideas, you have been mistaken. So was I, who was stunned to read a self-help book with an almost carefree tone that turned out to be much more than what it seemed.
Essentially, Manson describes the almost-delusional desire to constantly be happy as the "backwards law". He says:
The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one's negative experience is itself a positive experience.
Perhaps you should read it again to properly understand this.
Personally, I am someone who keeps trying to push my limits and keep trying to achieve something. But I do realise that this ambition shouldn't be unhealthy; I should be able to, as Manson said, 'give a f*ck about only what is true and immediate and important.'
When I read this, I thought about one of my favourite mottos: prioritising yourself does not mean saying no to others... It means saying yes to yourself! I strongly think that when people begin to prioritise themselves more often, the chances of 'being happy' are more likely. (What do you think? Drop a comment below!)
#2 Pain is not all bad...
Physical pain is literally a feedback mechanism that shows us what our limits are. So is psychological pain as well. Mark argues that this pain is useful because we need to avoid making the same mistakes in the future: touching a hot stove or procrastinating and facing the terrible consequences (still not the end of the world, though, is it?) are some examples of things that cause pain.
What's more interesting about Manson's argument is this:
This is what's so dangerous about a society that coddles itself more and more from the inevitable discomforts of life: we lose the benefits of experiencing healthy doses of pain...
Are we really trying so much to live in a safe bubble all the time? Away from pain or the bitter outside world? Perhaps. But I suppose popping that bubble and adapting and becoming immune to this bitterness of pain is the more sensible thing to do.
#3 Don't strive for extraordinariness. Just don't.
The world is getting more and more competitive. It feels like every day is a hustle for greatness, no? Well, somewhere in this fantastic book, Manson says that falling into the trap of becoming extraordinary (set by society, of course) only gives a temporary high. That feeling of being in the limelight is what most people are striving for nowadays, and that is a sad reality. Below is a very apt way of characterising the young generations:
This statement—'Each one of us can be extraordinary'—is inherently contradictory... if everyone were extraordinary, then by definition no one would be extraordinary... Being "average" has become the new standard of failure.
There are a lot of good things about striving hard to achieve your dreams, because that's what I keep striving to do! However, relaxing or taking some time off should not be considered as laziness or whatever. Useless quotes like: Work hard till your bank account looks like a phone number are incorrect fuels for hard word, in my opinion. That said, I am not glorifying laziness, but I am also not glorifying working at that 200% every single day.
#4 Values and metrics are crucial to happiness
This is one of the most important takeaways for me. A value is essentially a condition that you believe is the cause for happiness. And a metric is something to assess the progress towards that value, and this involves actions and reactions. Basically.
The problem with all of us is that we keep using a certain metric/measurement to judge how true we are staying to that value. People with different outlooks toward life are generally categorised into growth and fixed mindsets. The main standout between the two is the fact that they will have different values (and metrics to measure themselves).
Simple example: after WW2, a Japanese soldier named Onoda did not believe in the thousands of flyers that claimed the war to have been over, and ended up staying in a thick forest for 30 years. When he was found, he did not feel crushed that he fought for nothing. His value of loyalty to the Japanese empire sustained him... but this value made him very disheartened when he returned to a very capitalist and modern Japan.
If you want to change how you see your problems, you have to change what you value and/or how you measure that failure/success.
#5 With great responsibility comes great power!
Yes, you read that right! Responsibility must be innate rather than be shown only when you are in a supposed position to show it, you know? In fact, responsibility means owning up to the good and bad things we do. I was amazed by this fresh perspective on this truly philosophical saying (I wonder who said it?)
I would also like to talk about something that has been the most applicable lesson thus far. While we might not be at fault for something, we are responsible all the time. It took me some time to digest that, but it's absolutely true! Whether through action, reaction or even inaction, we are responsible every single moment. Whether we choose to sob in misery due to rejection or hit back a bully, every single thing we do (or don't) has a consequence that we must face.
To keep it simple, Mark says:
Fault is past tense. Responsibility is present tense. Fault results from choices already made. Responsibility results from the choices you're currently making every single day.
Putting in perspective, it might be my fault that you find my writing lame (I hope not), but you are responsible for making your own judgement. It is your fault for missing out on this gem of a book, but it is my responsibility as an amateur blogger to write a convincing review! See the difference now? Don't worry, you will get the hang of it :D
Final thoughts
There are way more invaluable ideas penned by Mark Manson in this book, which I hope you will read at least once in your lifetime. I enjoyed every moment reading this and, yes, I took my own sweet time absorbing every wise phrase he wrote. With some research (that is, a simple Google search) I found out that Mark Manson is a full-time blogger. How inspiring!
I want to say that you might find his unfiltered writing (yet carefully worded for effect, I must say) off-putting, but please look past that. Sure, he might've mentioned the f-word at least a hundred times, but the whole abstract idea of not giving a f*ck about is, in essence, choosing what to give your f*cks to. This life is too short to worry about everything, is it?
Rating: ★★★★
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